I’m a Feminist and I’m afraid of men

My feminism is deep and sad, and maybe you’d define them as… pessimistic. They don’t think changes will happen in a day so, as much as they dream that they don’t have to share their location with their parents when they take a rickshaw or can wear whatever they want, because catcalls aren’t their fault, they can’t. My feminism looks at reality and unfortunately, her reality is men on the streets who look at their cellulite thighs, secretly eye-raping her, wondering what’s inside. Her reality is sharing her location when she goes to meet a friend and saying I love you because you never know what might happen when that I love you could mean an end.

My feminism is fearful but pretends like they’re bold because they are told that scared women cannot hold a seat on the table. My feminism doesn’t think about kids, marriage, or growing up: they’re just concerned with their career, but they know that no one cares. My feminism knows about my teachers who gave up their careers and dreams to get married, so to her: marriage is not a union, it is one of the oldest forms of seclusion one would know. 

I’m a feminist and I’m afraid of men. This is not just my feminism. This is the feminism of so many women I know.

Every time women go somewhere, you see, they have pepper spray or keys or at least their fingers on the keypad, ready to call someone for help when needed. 

Today, across the world, ‘I have a boyfriend is the phrase that women use to ward off predatory men rather than directly letting them know that they aren’t attracted to them. Why is that? Pacifying men has become exceedingly popular because women cannot afford to make men angry. Ever. Being scared for their lives, they have learned that many men will take a step back when they realize that another woman is ‘spoken for’ because men value and respect men ten times more than they respect women. In India, over 4 lakh cases were reported in 2019, with less than a 30% prosecution rate. So many more cases occur, going unreported. This is to say that there are about 88 reported cases each day, so yes, every single girl and woman is afraid to be a part of that number. 

Feminists can be afraid of men. Feminists can be women and non-binary individuals and be afraid of men. Hey, even men can be afraid of men. 

If you think about it, many renowned feminists who are women have been victims of death threats, assault, rape threats, and much more. Why is speaking out about women’s rights something that a large majority of men are against? Aren’t women and their rights equally as important to protect? When you think about it, you’ll find that even ‘powerful and bold women’ are scared of men, not threatened by them, mind you, but scared that they’ll take advantage of them. 

Of course, queer feminists are often excluded from the gender and feminist narrative, leaving them even more vulnerable to the fear of sexual harassment, violence, and gendered abuse. Men can be scared of men, but often it’s not for the fear of assault or sexual violence but rather crimes like brutal violence, murder, forced work, etc. As you can understand, women and non-binary individuals are often more worried about violence against them because almost always, rape or some sort of sexual objectification is what happens.

So, can you be a feminist and be afraid of men? My feminism says yes. She’s bold when she wants to be but they also know that centuries of oppression won’t disappear in a day- so listen to what she says: be loud and proud but be cautious. You are not a victim. You are a survivor.